


Fatass on ICE

by Hollyjollyfangirl



Category: South Park, yuri on ice
Genre: Cartman Being Cartman, Comedy, Other, South Park on Ice, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:39:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollyjollyfangirl/pseuds/Hollyjollyfangirl
Summary: *shrugs* read the title





	

**Author's Note:**

> written by Holly half drunk ;)

So it was a really motherfucking cold day out and these four dipshits named Stan Kyle Kenny and Cartman decided to go fuckin ice skating. Kyles fucking stupid ass little brother had to tag along.  
"Dude why the fuck did you bring your little brother" Stan asked  
"Cause he wanted to replicate a skate from this Japanese cartoon he's been obsessed with lately"  
"Your brother is a dildo AND a weeb" cartman interjected  
"Dude are you seriously referencing the pilot?" Kyle asked  
"Yeah dude that's so 1997" Stan said  
"What fucking ever man lets just fuckin skate"  
And so they fucking skated for a while and Ike was trying to do a combination spin but since he's like fucking two and has no balance he fell right on his ass every time. Then his weak ass started crying like the little bitch he is.  
"God fucking dammit shut that little asshole up before I kick him in the nuts" cartman shouted  
"Let me show you how it's done, dipshit"  
Then somehow this fucking fat ass potato of a child was able to keep perfect balance and do a fucking combination spin. Then one of his skates slipped off and hit Kenny in the head by the blade.  
"Aw shit,"  
"OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY!"  
"You bastard!"  
"God damn looks like I can't even get any lines in fanfiction these days" the spirit of Kenneth McCormick said as he vanished into the unexplained abyss  
"JJ! JJ!" Ike babbled  
"Who in the everliving fuck is JJ" cartman asked  
Ike held up his phone and on it was a dude in a purple suit ice skating  
"Dude he looks like a fucking faggot"cartman said  
"But not as much of a faggot as the other assholes there" he said when he saw the other skaters, Yaoi and Gru- I mean Yuri and Victor.  
"He's from Canada" Ike said  
"Like I give two shits" cartman said  
•••  
10 years later  
•••  
After moving to Canada in order to be nearer to his idols Terrance and Philip, Cartman had decided to not be as much of an asshole as he usually is. He still was a pretty cocky asshole tho.  
Cartman changed his life a lot ever since he had moved out of his whore mothers house in the out of touch town of South Park. For one, he was engaged now even though he was only 19. He dyed his hair and got a tan because he thought he looked cooler. Hell, he even changed his name. He had even decided to actually participate in a sport in order to not be a fatass his whole life and die of diabetes. He actually quite enjoyed it.  
"And that concludes the short program of Yuri Katsuki," Cartman heard the announcer on the loudspeaker  
"Oh shit that's my cue" cartman said as he rushed out of the side room he was in while he was being interviewed.  
He barely made it out onto the ice in time before the announcer called his name  
"Our next short program is to 'The theme of King JJ' performed by Jean Jackass Cartman"  
He swirled out into the middle of the rink, ready to perform.  
"ITS JJ STYLE!"

**Author's Note:**

> No regrets


End file.
